meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
