Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize