Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
