I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
