We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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