I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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