Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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