I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
