I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
