i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
