Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I wear drunk well.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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