Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
