My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
