If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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