The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
