dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
