No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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