You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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