Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize