i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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