Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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