How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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