nut hugger
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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