i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
