They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
