just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
