she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
