a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
