You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
