There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She needs sedatives and a leash
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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