hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
