Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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