Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
