and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
