Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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