Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
