Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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