I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
