In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
