walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
