I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
