I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
