If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
