I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
