if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
