You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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