I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
