Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
