dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
