yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
