I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
