just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
