I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize