it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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