READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
