You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
