Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
