I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
