You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
nutella sex= disaster
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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