$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
