I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
