woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
