Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm way too hungover for life right now
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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