so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am one with the molecules
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
