This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
