At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
