Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
