Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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