I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize