i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
