i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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