I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's shark week go big or go home
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
