he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
