God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize