How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
